Updated: Apr 27
If you feel like there's distance between you and your partner or want to reignite the spark, read on.
Distance in a romantic relationship can leave you feeling lonely and isolated. That's why I have written 8 steps you can take to help you regain your connection with your loved one.
8 ways to connect and enhance your relationship
It's natural to experience a shift in the intensity of your feelings towards your partner as your relationship progresses. During the initial stages, our brains are flooded with feel-good chemicals that can leave us feeling on top of the world. As we grow closer to our significant other, these chemicals transform into oxytocin, which strengthens the bond between us. This deeper connection can give us a sense of profound deeper love. However, this calmer state and other life commitments may make us feel as though the spark has faded. To reignite the passion and enhance intimacy and connection, here are eight tips to consider.
#1 - Create daily habits of connection
Creating rituals of connection can greatly enhance intimacy between couples, according to leading researcher John Gottman. Incorporating daily habits that increase awareness of each other's inner worlds, such as checking in with each other each day, can help build deeper trust and closeness. Adding physical affection, such as kissing and hugging, further strengthens the bond. Regular date nights that involve trying out new and exciting activities also contribute to building a deeper connection. Simple gestures such as saying "I love you" before leaving for work and greeting your partner warmly when they return home can reinforce feelings of love and care.
Just like dogs who greet their owners with excitement, we can do the same with our partners. Unfortunately, many couples forget to prioritize these rituals, leading to a breakdown in intimacy over time. Start by creating daily habits to reconnect with your partner.
#2 - Get to know your partner's attachment style
Your attachment can impact how you and your partner connect on every level. We tend to be attracted to our opposites. If you are anxiously attached, you may be attracted to the stoic, independent and clam-fronted partner. Or if you are avoidantly attached, you may be attracted to the caring, loyal and attentive partner. Yet, when the relationship grows, these traits that attract you to your partner can change. The qualities you first loved now drive you mad and create fractures in the relationship. The independence is now seen as distant; the calm and stoic font now feels like they don't care about you. Or the caring and attentive partner is now seen as needy and invasive of your space.
Navigating each other's attachment styles is key to building a successful and interdependent relationship. Research shows that moving toward secure connections helps couples to thrive as their best selves independent of the relationship and within it. Furthermore, it promotes improved intimacy, well-being and health.
Related article: Learn how attachment styles affect your relationship
#3 Make time for sex
It is a myth that sex always needs to be spontaneous. The truth is that with our busy lifestyles, work commitments, house commitments, children, and so on, we barely have time for sex. When we have time, it's usually after a big meal at the end of a hard-working day. If you feel that you can resonate with this, you can probably appreciate when you're tired, full of food and thinking about the next day's tasks you need to get done, sex isn't always that great.
Sex is essential for relationships; it facilitates deeper connections and helps increase our mental and physical well-being. Making time for sex with your partner is highly recommended as it fosters trust and enhances mutual love. Yet, when juggling all our other commitments, it seems to be the last thing we prioritise. When we carve out time for sex, it can add the anticipation and excitement that used to arise earlier in your relationship.
#4 - Turn towards each other
Let's face it; we want to know our partner sees us. Bids for attention are often ignored and seen as irrelevant. Taking the time to turn towards your partner and listen to what they say is how your partner can feel seen. You may think they are just talking about the morning traffic or what's on TV at night, but these little bids seek engagement. Try acknowledging your partner's words and letting them know they are being heard.
#5 - Look at each other
Although it may seem a bit unconventional, eye gazing can be a powerful way to establish a deeper connection with your partner and enhance intimacy. In many relationships, people can feel a sense of loneliness and detachment from one another. This often occurs as we become less aware of each other's presence. By engaging in eye contact for at least one minute, and even up to 20 minutes in tantric practice, partners can strengthen their bond and create a greater sense of closeness. It is natural to experience heightened emotions during this exercise, as it can help to build trust and understanding.
#6 - Gratitude
In long-term relationships, it's easy to start noticing what's wrong with our partner and overlook the good things. To counter this, try expressing your gratitude to your partner every day. It doesn't have to be anything grand, a simple "thank you for cooking dinner" or "I loved the kiss you gave me when I got home" will suffice.
Research indicates that practising gratitude can shift our focus from negative to positive aspects of our partner. Moreover, when we express gratitude, our partners are more likely to repeat the behaviour that made us happy. Daily practice of gratitude strengthens the sense of mutual appreciation and desire in a relationship.
#7 - Have fun with your partner
Laughter has always been considered the best medicine, and this applies to relationship health as well. With our daily tasks overwhelming us, we often forget to have fun. However, introducing play and humour can strengthen the bond between partners. Engaging in fun activities like play-fighting or trying out new adventures together can bring joy and pleasure to the relationship. Incorporating more joy and pleasure into your relationship can make it easier to ride out any tough times.
#8 - Get relationship support
If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship despite implementing these tips, it may be worth considering seeking professional assistance. Relationship counselling can aid in identifying underlying issues that may be causing communication breakdowns, conflicting values, and recurring problems. Through couples counselling, you can work on addressing these issues, leading you to a more stable and secure relationship. If you would like to learn more, please do not hesitate to contact me for a complimentary consultation.
We all desire love and connection. I hope these tips help you regain the spark back in your relationship.